Have you ever felt like you have run into a brick wall? That is how I've been feeling lately with my "job" as a parent. I take parenting VERY SERIOUSLY!!! I have the utmost belief that I was given these children as a gift and it is my RESPONSIBILITY to raise them to be honest, loving, kind, God-fearing, patient, compassionate, (etc...) children. This is my duty! It's my job! And I am trying my very very very best to do it as well as I can…
But within the last year or so, I've felt like I’ve been hitting a wall. Not with my children, but with “the world”. (And I put those words into quotations because they can mean a lot of different walls! And I won’t go into detail about the “walls” I’m hitting) – YET, here I am, feeling like I’m trying to raise my children into who they are supposed to be, but at the same time, I’m fighting to break through the walls. I completely understand that I am not the only person in this world, and I cannot raise my children without outer influence – But what is a mother to do, when the outer influences don’t agree with parenting the way you parent? What is a mother to do, when you send your child off somewhere, and they allow them to do something that you have specifically told them they can’t do? (No matter how small or insignificant).
I feel like I am drilling obedience into their little hearts, even if it’s over something miniscule, its obedience none the less. For example – not too long ago we were going somewhere and I told my kids that they needed to keep their shoes on… as soon as we got there; other kids were taking their shoes off. For ease of not losing shoes and socks and getting things mixed up (because we were in a place with a lot of people), I told them to keep them on. Then I see other people telling them to take them off. So I repeat to my kids and to the other adults that they need to keep their shoes on. Then, the adult goes on to tell me that I surely am strict and it’s really no big deal. YES, in the bigger picture at that moment, it might not seem to be a big deal – but I had said to keep the shoes on! My gosh... how simple is it?! And I’d like to think that my kids saw me follow through on something that I had asked them to be obedient in. AND they had a GREAT time with their shoes ON!
Why is it though, that I feel like I’m one of few who are teaching kids the “right” things. Or is it, that my idea of “right things” is old fashioned or not cool. I’m one that believes that every kid doesn’t need a trophy, that it is ok to get in trouble, that you don’t have to be the coolest kid on the block, or wear the best clothes, or even have matching socks… my gosh.. This day and age, these kids are growing up WAY too fast!
It’s important that my children learn kindness… meaning don’t get an attitude with people if you are upset… learn to blow it off. But how do I continue to teach my children that when they are surrounded by others who get attitudes. I discuss this on SOOOO many different issues.
What I’m getting at – is that parenting these days (for me at least), has been such a challenge. It is a constant battle – and I can’t keep my kids with me all the time to make a lesson out of little things… they will be with other parents that have different parenting styles, or with other kids who are raised differently.
A parent once tell me that until their kids were about 10 or 13, she kept her kids around her because while they were still “young” she could influence the kids that they played with. I think that’s a great idea… but how do you tell another mother that your daughter can’t play… over and over again…
I’ve been struggling with this now that Ali is in 1st grade. She’s old enough for sleepovers, and friends asking her to do things… She see’s other kids acting in ways that I’ve distinctly told her she can’t do. She comes home asking why these other children are allowed to talk to their parents in an “ugly” tone, or why they can watch tv shows she can’t watch… etc…
I’ve been struggling with this with William being that he’s 3 ½ and is in a very moldable stage of his life. He see’s someone getting an attitude, and he comes home and gets an attitude with everyone here. He see’s someone hit someone else and he comes home and hit’s someone…. etc…
I’ve been struggling with this with Julianna, trying to tame her sassiness and refusing to accept how some people just claim that she is going to be a problem child. I DO NOT accept statements about my children’s future that are not positive. It’s ridiculous…
I speak life over my children! And I’m realizing that I might just have to be a little more “mama bear” over them. I used to just laugh or blow it off myself… but no more. I have to stand up for them! I love them too much to just let other parents push my parenting ways by the wayside. Call me strict, call me overprotective, call me whatever you want… but I LOVE my kids! I love them with more love than could ever be described on paper… I want the very best for them, and know that every moment I take to teach them something is a lesson learned (no matter how many times I have to do it).
So here I am… trying to figure out how to break down the brick wall… or at least learn to climb over it, or walk around it, with my kids grounded in good character values. Let’s just say, we’re just going to cover that big ole’ nasty wall in prayer and have faith that I’ll be shown the way ……..
WISDOM … I NEED WISDOM!
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing your rant. I am with you on this one.
Just the other day, I was trying to objectively evaluate the effect on my children from time spent in a setting with other Christian, home-schooled families. You'd think in a setting like that, the effect would be all good, right? Well, not always...at least, not for my kiddos.
The dilemma you've pointed out--how our influence as parents is attacked by outside influences--is one of the reasons (not the only reason, but one of the main ones) that we have chosen to homeschool. To make sure that our children learn our values first and deeply. Not so much to protect them, but to PREPARE them. Because, of course, they will inevitably run smack against the values of the world (and values of other Christians who differ in their thinking from us); and they must be prepared for that.
But how to do that effectively and wisely?
I don't have all the answers (and I'm NOT saying you have to homeschool!...just wanted to make that clear). :) But I do feel your pain, and I journey with you in this prayerful path of concerned parents.
I can sympathize, too. I feel your pain and have been given a lot of the same labels. We have been up front with other parents about sleep overs and things that our children are allowed to do and encountered resistance, but we just stand our ground. That doesn't make it "feel" any better or "release" any of the frustration of the situation.
But, the only thing I know to do in my parenting is follow through with what I believe to be right and true on a God scale and help my children see the reasons of why we choose the path we do. And though it may seem over their heads sometimes, I take opportunities to teach them to think about how things they do affect other people's feelings and hearts. I think if the kids can see that their actions have consequences (which most in this world don't) and that they can learn why we believe the things that we do, then they can stand confidently behind the values placed in their hearts and know why they stand there. Take the conflicts with the world that come up as learning opportunities and take time to talk with them about them.
I, too, don't feel like I have a good grip on this parenting against the world thing either...pray, pray and pray some more...and I thank God that our children have praying parents...I feel so bad for the kids that don't.
Oh girl...you're echoing my heart to the Nth degree.
I go round and round with this one. on so many levels.
I've had to especially watch what I LET other people say about my children. having all girls, they all get compared. A LOT. and I, for one, do not want to establish an atmosphere of comparison in their hearts.
anyway...I could comment all. day. long on this one.
but I'll spare you.
I loved your rant. Keep it up girlfriend, you are on the right track...don't let the world derail you..because there IS a definite plan to distract you from what you have purposed in your heart. GO!
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..swimming...swimming...upstream!
We are a chosen people, and it is good for our children to begin to understand that early on.
Post a Comment